and i know you're all just dying for an update.

so i'm sick. never better. worse than yesterday. and it feels like i fell asleep on my jaw. so if i had the voice to say anything, i probably wouldn't be able to open my mouth. but it's hard to cough with your mouth closed. so coughing now hurts my throat, chest, and jaw. fun.

i really wish i could throw this all into columns. we'd all be so bloody happy then.

i've got this ad'ware on my computer and it's a pain. so finally i go to "add or remove programs," and the stupid program makes you download anyother program just so you can remove the first one. not to mention, my mom thinks limewire is killing her computer. no mom, just my criminal record.

i think it was the music video that originally got me hooked on "the mixed tape" by jack's mannequin. if you don't like the song, the video's still amazing, i thought. but now i know better than that. this is probably the most solid album since, o*, say damien rice. but while you're here. copeland is getting better and better. now, my top songs of the moment would have to be:
you have my attention - copeland
when finally set free - copeland
count on me - default
half right - jimmy eat world
bad day - daniel powter
rock your body - justin timberlake
burnin bridges - jason mraz
drugs or me - jimmy eat world
that awful memory of yours - copeland
hitchin' a ride - green day
chariot - gavin degraw
if you could read my mind - gordon lightfoot
superman - lazlo bane
i am the walrus - the beatles

i had to clean off my old computer, wipe all my old files. that felt weird. i remember exactly what i was doing when i wrote all of that stuff, and found those pictures. and i think my life just got wiped. i feel wiped. shut up, i know i'm sick.

semi-formal-wha? when? brent, you were listening... right?

release date was moved forward, maybe i'll do something stupid this month.

*get it, "o".
...you did...

why do i want to know?

for the same reason i skip to the end of a book:
because i need to know everything will end up well.
the kingdom will be safe.
the poor will be rich.
the underdog will win.
the cripple will walk.
the bad guy will be in jail.
the forest will return.
the spring will flow.
the town will be safe.
the king will return.
the people will sing.
the road will be repaired.
the gallows will be destroyed.
the gates will swing wide.
the hero will kiss the girl.

cabin pressure dropping to 16 kilometers.
we're about to hit some turbulence, because i'm about to do something stupid. we'll see how it goes.



check back in the winter to see if i'm still alive.

i talked to logan yesterday -- haven't done that in a while. and now i've got something to work towards... more on that later.

i have to go write you something. bye.

oh, pilot can you help me
can you make this last
this plane is all i got
so keep it steady, now


bruised - jack's mannequin

maybe it's getting harder for people to understand me.


stop.



now.

if i hear one more word about not posting, i swear, someone's going to die.

the thing about broken windows is that you can still see through them.

so, last night i did some thinking.

if anyone asks -- the way to do that is to drive around bronte around one thirty, throwing free lick's vegetarian burritos at garbage cans from your car. then go to a playground, put on sunglasses, listen to jack's mannequin and copeland (or dashboard and soco), and jump into a swing that's too short for you. now watch the apartment buildings.

the room on the far left, second from the top, is watching tv. see the flashing lights. you get familiar with those when you walk past or into your parents room for seven years. and it's a huge mother-loving tv. and my shoe is falling off.

so i did some thinking.

i thought that maturity is finally realizing that everything in life has its own hangover.

i thought about this: have you ever been carrying something with someone else. then they ask you if you can carry it by yourself, and you're confident, so you say "yes." they let go and it's only then that you realize how much of the weight they were taking.
you were like that to me
and when you weren't there for that long, i finally -- yes, i mean finally -- realized how much i counted on you being there all the time.
so we've already established that i may be in love
we haven't? oh. well then, nevermind.
i'm not confident anymore

so here comes that hangover. which means, "get out the applesauce". which obviously hasn't been in the fridge. and of course, add cinnamon and granulated sugar. i've heard i put in too much, but to be honest -- i can't taste it. i need to do some thinking. mommy, drive me to bronte.

is there anbody going to listen to my story / all about the girl who came to stay / she's the kind of girl you want so much it makes you sorry / still, you don't regret a single day -girl the beatles

and ryan, in order:
rescued
the mixed tape
holiday from real
kill the messenger
miss delaney

i need you, but, please / don't get me rescued -rescued jack's mannequin

you weren't avoiding me -- were you?