got a body like a battle axe

today is a no-caps day. why? because i'm worried.
no, not that kind of worry. a different kind. probably a kind i've never really been feeling while writing a post. so possibly this will come out differently. in a new way. and new shit sells. woot.
speaking of selling, i have to work early tomorrow, and walk to work because every car is in, like, fricking kingston or at some bar mitzvah. go figure.
speaking of posts and that whole paragraph-y thing, somehow i started thinking about how people had thought i had my life in order. and have my life in order at this point. and i remember that this was one of the most annoying things to hear back in my seasons of teenage-angst. but i think i'm past that, apart from the occasional pillow into the wall, bottle into the wall, mull over my frustration quietly-type thing. so now i'm wondering, what is it that makes people seem like they've got it all together:
a significant other
a high-paying job
successful children
well-behaved children
nice house
on the cover of a magazine
on the cover of a newspaper
having a fan club
having a decent support system of friends
beating their addiction
accomplishing their life's goals
having the job they wanted as a kid
talking like they have a clue
experiencing struggle
having a good outward attitude
keeping secrets for themselves
etc.

and since i have a pattern: please feel free to ask me any questions and tell me which of these you think are true, and any others. theses are crap options -- give me good-er ones, please.

and you said, "i know that this will hurt
but if i don't break your heart, then things will just get worse
when the burden seems too much to bear, remember
the end will justify the pain it took to get us there"
let it all out - relient k

that was a bad night. goodnight.

Honey, lay off of them shoes

I guess now is as good a time as any to say Hello to the blogging world.
"Hello." (<--Lame)
And since I always do this, here's where I'm at right now, physically: I'm sitting in my basement, my family asleep upstairs (including my grandparents and two cousins). I'm drinking Lipton Green Tea, which I just about spilled, while eating a mixed bowl of Cap'n Crunch and Swedish Fish. Cereal and candy, yummy. I'm watching Arrested Development on TV, even though I've been watching a lot of movies recently... Disney movies, to be exact, while running on the treadmill, to be exact. It, like, clears my head... or something. Well done indeed.

Thought #1: Please, let us only have one after-party. None of this division stuff, eh?
Thought #2: I will be continuing The O.C. as soon as that one bastard returns that one disc. I mean, seriously, what's gonna happen to Seth, Ryan, and the rest of the gang?

But then again, what's gonna happen to me? Come on, clear head, do your thang. Because now I've got different things to think about now. And I don't have too much experience in this part of my brain, or my logic. Well, at least not for a while, now. To be honest, I didn't think I'd get here for a lot longer. But then again, it's always the day after I'm on one polar end that I end up on the other. I mean polar. Seriously. So that makes this a little like culture shock, or at least, that's what we'll refer to it as.

Because that happens sometimes. Where you switch from being totally frustrated to being more peaceful than you have been able to be for a long time. So yes, everything's alright now. But no... it's not... It's just I don't care about the stuff that's left. And I'm okay with that. Ziing! Feeling better already. But then again, we did talk about this before. I can't be completely dependent on something or someone else to make me feel okay. Anyone who's completely dependent on anything other than themselves are just weaker -- and then it's harder for anyone to depend on you in any way. And then you just feel sucky. Because what good are you? No good.
"Why The World Doesn't Need Superman".
Leave it to me to forget to do something I told you to do.

So the weirdest (but really, not really) thing from this week is how... well I'm getting along with my parents. I mean, woah. And I'm trying to explain that. Because apart from the one big fight (yeah...), I've been good with them the whole week. What is making us so compatible suddenly? See previous paragraph, perhaps?

Okay, so Brent asked what song described your life right now... And since I answered I've realized that there are tons of songs that can, fairly specifically, describe my life. I think. That may have something to do with the fact that I've been all over the place mentally and emotionally just in the last week. But I'll probably forget them all.
So:
Second Star From The Left, Go 'Til Dawn - Copeland
Beautiful Disaster - Jon McLaughlin
Which To Bury, Us Or The Hatchet - Relient K
Accidental Babies - Damien Rice
Crave Me - Rise Electric
Love Is A Marathon - Teddy Geiger
Suspicious Minds - Elvis Presley
Blue Suede Shoes - Elvis Presley

See... I forgot them all.

I'm not sure what is more disturbing, knowing how many people know or not knowing how many people know. This would go for any secret you've shared even once. Because once it's out of your hands you've got to just trust and cross your fingers a little bit. Okay, so a lot.

And since I've sunk back into my old pattern of random and poorly connected thoughts, not to mention an incredible taste for the vague, I think I'm done.
Because none of you got any of that, I bet.
But I'm not about to talk a step backwards... So, feel free to ask any questions.
(This post took three days)