it's that moment where you have to decide to be long-winded or to just go listed that i hate.
i'm not saying that i don't preplan my words...
...kay, now i am...

in case you ever get stopped by the RIDE program, it's more fun than you think. just a tip: don't be drunk, eh?

after some artistic encouaragement of the days past (i.e. mcmichael art gallery à la français). but without tripping over some failed attempt at being a lyricist, optimist, antagonist, chemist, or narcissist, i've got nothing. anyway...

"♥ the ," officially kicks off right now.

without dragging on and on about things you don't want to hear, i think i'll share something.
i'm really not as _______ (stupid/smart/stable/saintly/sociable) as i seem.
don't plan on such a clever set of words as that by fluke again.

this is what i get for being unprepared.

just an update on msn.com's top five searches:
5. Crying statue (is this some sort of relic? i've heard of the crying statue of mary before. is this new?)
4. Edgar Cayce (yeah, who's that?)
3. Jodie Sweetin (in the top five? you've got to be kidding me. i mean, i've got no clue.)
2. Jessica Simpson (well, she is single again.)
1. World's ugliest dog (what happened here?)

HOW'S ABOUT A QUIZ,

In all seriousness, though. Things just aren't fitting so well together. I'm overscheduled, and it's going to cost me. I'm not talking to the right people whenever I get the chance (which feels like standing on that cliff over the lake at your cottage that one summer). I guess I can blame that on reverting back to my introverted personality... I wish I could be consistant. That'd be a welcome change.

1. What do you think, should I keep you all guessing?

Lately, I wish I could just nail things down like I could in little school. Certainly feeling like a train wreck -- or a hurricane... because a hurricane would let me continue my analogy of nailing things down. Like shingles. Or windows. Or deck chairs. Either way, analogy aside, I'm feeling like I want back to the elementary life (in every essence) -- but it wasn't very rewarding. Maybe if I could redo it I could be a better person.

2. True or False: If Andy redid little school he could be a better person.

I think it's fair to say that I can start the Rebel countdown* without feeling school-girl-ish. The question still remains: what kind of lens am I going to buy? Time to find me someone with knowledge in these departments. Which brings up a thought -- it would suck to work at BestBuy, because the alrams go off almost every other minute. Anyway, with the pending purchase, byAnthem will be dormant for my part until then. Which is beneficial to me, so I can concentrate on better things.

3. Prioritize Andy's Life from 1-11:
- school
- staying in touch
- thinking about the future
- dwelling on the past
- buying christmas gifts
- keeping track of service hours
- fixing the iPod issue (switching computers)
- basketball team
- school play
- photography
- writing

That pretty much captures the essence of some small part of my life... But hey, take what you can get. And my bus broke down today -- twice. I know what you're thinking: the one time he's actually on the bus. But it was actually pretty fun. The eight of us got off the bus, went to Shopper's Drugmart or CoffeeTime and just brought back an assortment of food. "Anybody want a doughnut? Macaroons? Popcorn? Fuzzy Peaches? Pepsi? Buggles?"

4. Which food do you pick? Why?

If you're expecting some deep revelation of my personality, or some revelation of your own -- don't count on it. Sorry if I let you down there, probably should've warned you near the beginning. But you'll learn things about yourself in some of the weirdest places. For instance, I got Beauty and the Beast for Christmas (on Christmas Eve; family tradition) when I was two. I know, eh? But that's not all:
"We can't watch that tonight Andy, it's too late tonight. But maybe tomorrow."
I saw it for the first time when I was thirteen.

5. a) How did you do for revelation of Andy's character? b) Your own?
6. What's the first Christmas gift you remember? Which is the most meaningful?
7. How well are you going to sleep tonight?


*10 DAYS

post.script. ♥ the ,

today's assembly disturbed me.

i could so analyze lines from disease (matchbox twenty) right now.
yeah, i think i will.

Feels like you made a mistake
You made somebody's heart break
"whoops, did i break that? oh i'm sorry, i didn't notice. i'll pay for that..."

You left a stain
On every one of my good days
"i've got a stain on my sweater."

No one's ever turned you over
No one's tried
To ever let you down
"you're that great. you are that great."

Beautiful girl
Bless your heart
whoa ho. now he's blessing her? daaaaaang he's in love. or opposite.

I can't live without you
Tell me
What am I supposed to do about it
notice how guys always want to know what we're supposed to do?
that's because we don't want to screw up.

Feels like you're making a mess
"no kidding..."

You're hell on wheels in a black dress
metahpors are great...

Every little thing you do is tragic
ow. ow. ow. ow. ow.
it's beautiful.

Beautiful girl
I can't breathe
...kay... he just changed it up on me.

But leave me be
While my world is coming down on me
you know how often i've wanted to say that?

gah... how's about a few bonus split screen sadness (john mayer) lines?

Maybe I'll sleep inside my coat and
Wait on your porch til' you come back home
Oh, right
I can't find a flight
ha! i love that... "oh, right... i can't find a flight..."

All you need is love, is a lie cause
We had love but we still said goodbye
god...

And it stings when it's nobody's fault
um. yeah. 

So I'll check the weather wherever you are
Cause I wanna know if you can see the stars tonight
"gee, i love you too..."

I called
Because
I just
Need to feel you on the line
Don't hang up this time
And I know it was me who called it over but
I still wish you'd fought me 'til your dying day
Don't let me get away
*click*

Cause I can't wait to figure out what's wrong with me
So I can say that this is the way that I used to be
"i cannot believe me."

what i know:

• the most powerful force on earth: eye contact
• "can't you see the grass is greener where it rains?" bell x1
  

what i learned:

• relationship is proof of sanity.
• "I made him just and right. sufficient to have stood, though free to fall." -john milton
• dueteronomy 30:19
• "the greatest feeling in the world is knowing someone falls asleep thinking about you."

"One more hiss out of you, uh, Hiss, and you're walking to Nottingham." robin hood
"And you can tell everybody that this is your song." elton john

i haven't slept for 10 days, because that would be too long

advertisement update: so apple wants me to buy an imac g5 for my mom, an ibook g4 for my dad, and ipod nano for my sister, and an airport express for my friend.
first, i don't know why they can't start words with consanents... second, don't have a first. third, don't have any of that money. come on apple, your target advertising is just a bit off.

all the mistakes one life can take, they all finally start to go away... and i feel like i can face the day.

i know there are two t's. forget it.
but you don't want no drama. (that neeeever ever happened)

this'll be short. but i'm thinking i'm not too bad off. and stop thinking i think i'm not fortunate.
stupid older generations.

looking forward to christmas, goodnight
-anday

oh anastassia,
i'd rather be brent and i combined than be you.
but you're still doing better than me.

oh maggie,
you're swell.
did i do something?

oh boy,
this will be hard to say.
you can hate me later.

oh friend,
we are so alike.
help.

oh brother,
how did you pull it off?
did growing up always suck this much?


i'm going to write an acrostic to ease my mind:

M
A
N

O
H

M
A
N

YOU'RE SWELL

and that made me feel better.

goodnight
goodnight
goodnight
goodnight
goodnight
goodnight
ma coeur

well i can't even bring myself to just leave and publish this.
so forgive me, please, if i break any more hearts tonight. i meant to stop, but i just couldn't.

it'd be nice if someone asked about me once in a while. but what am i saying? that's so selfish and just wrong. i don't deserve to be able to tell anyone about my life, let alone have them listen. let alone have you listen. but you do listen. and i wish i could say thank you enough. and i don't get how you can trust me with everything when i can't even live my own life without it breaking on me.
i talked to an old friend. we're still friends. we've been friends for a long time. he shared his problems and whenever i wanted to say something about me he pulled it back around to him. sure, it may have hurt -- but now i get it. that's what i'm doing. still, i can't get it out of my mind that no one seems to care. and that's hard to grasp. maybe it isn't true, and maybe you'll all tell me that. tell me i'm crazy, that i'm overreacting, that there's nothing wrong, nothing to be afraid of, nothing hiding under my bed or in my closet, or that i need to finally accept that i'm just born to listen. but couldn't they all just be true? because that would be the best out of all of those.
if you had to pick: blind, deaf, or mute? i'd take secret option number four -- colorblind. i almost wish i was partially colorblind. i think i do. but then, i'd probably take mute, out of all of those. but you don't want to hear what i'd pick. what would you pick?
and i just started to realize i don't know enough about my friends.

post script: if you read all that, then i know you listen.
if you didn't, don't feel the need to go back and read it now.
you didn't want to before, and that's fine.

time for an update?

i really should be doing all that french work right now, or even creating my family tree from adam to noah's sons.

it was really windy today. and i liked that. it must be the wind in your hair, or just the feeling that if you fall, something's there to catch you.
i guess that's why i love reality. when i fall, i know i'm always going to hit something. there's a certainty that can't be bought. certainty feels nice and is increasingly hard to come by. i can't even be sure what i say is interpreted the right way anymore.

i keep looking over at the black binder labeled "CALENDAR" and wonder what exactly that means. or what it means to me.

remembrance day poppy, check
alzheimersociety thunder bay calendar, check
toronto star article on twentysomethings who can't fend for themselves, check
broken headphones, check
(this is sounding more and more like fun, and less and less like john mayer)
elastic band, check
new t-shirts, check
unpersonalized letter to me, check
contacts, check
dog asleep on a pillow on the couch, check
steady cash flow, not so check

but then again, what do i need money for? nothing important... just a camera, cornerstone ticket, lovedrug cd, and an increasing number of movies i want/need to see.
nyeh.

did you know that i have my name written on someone's binder. i wonder if they still use it.

-signed radiotown

p.s.

in response to my dubble bubble comic, i plan on buying the domain name www.girlsdontbite.com

so hands off.

"give me the sunshine"

this is a stick-up.
give me all of your heart and nobody gets hurt.
promise.
on my favourite line.

but tell me.
does the boy in
the corner mean
so much more now?






oh, and:
marius
loves
cossette.