got a body like a battle axe

today is a no-caps day. why? because i'm worried.
no, not that kind of worry. a different kind. probably a kind i've never really been feeling while writing a post. so possibly this will come out differently. in a new way. and new shit sells. woot.
speaking of selling, i have to work early tomorrow, and walk to work because every car is in, like, fricking kingston or at some bar mitzvah. go figure.
speaking of posts and that whole paragraph-y thing, somehow i started thinking about how people had thought i had my life in order. and have my life in order at this point. and i remember that this was one of the most annoying things to hear back in my seasons of teenage-angst. but i think i'm past that, apart from the occasional pillow into the wall, bottle into the wall, mull over my frustration quietly-type thing. so now i'm wondering, what is it that makes people seem like they've got it all together:
a significant other
a high-paying job
successful children
well-behaved children
nice house
on the cover of a magazine
on the cover of a newspaper
having a fan club
having a decent support system of friends
beating their addiction
accomplishing their life's goals
having the job they wanted as a kid
talking like they have a clue
experiencing struggle
having a good outward attitude
keeping secrets for themselves
etc.

and since i have a pattern: please feel free to ask me any questions and tell me which of these you think are true, and any others. theses are crap options -- give me good-er ones, please.

and you said, "i know that this will hurt
but if i don't break your heart, then things will just get worse
when the burden seems too much to bear, remember
the end will justify the pain it took to get us there"
let it all out - relient k

that was a bad night. goodnight.