thank you because you loved me, it's all on me

So as I sit here watching Superman Returns, ironically (in two ways), I'm trying to convince myself that I'm doing something right. Because I've decided that right now I'm missing one thing in my life -- and maybe self-affirmation is that one thing. No, no it's not. So the quest continues (ah well, who really gives a damn, anyway?) Either way, it's my hope that by doing something like this I can 1)inspire some hope in my own life, and ultimately 2)inspire some hope somewhere else. Because really, what greater achievement is there? Granted, inspiring hope in someone else's life isn't likely to have you kickin' it with corgi pups and red leather interiors. But who really wants red leather interiors?

I think I need another metaphor rush. When will that happen? Sometime soon I hope. Is it possible that a metaphor rush is the one thing I need? Uh... No. But it's still fun. Either way, more on that later. I hope. But that's the point. Maybe I'll run with the irony and stick with my Superman. If you've seen that movie, you know Lois Lane wins a Pullitzer Prize for writing an article Clark soon discovers is about "Why the World Doesn't Need Superman". So how does that make everybody feel? That's enough of a metaphor for me. Because I don't feel like delving into it. Too bad for you.

In theory, you're supposed to learn control as you grow older. Look at all the examples. School, diapers, cooking, coloring. It's all there. Unfortunately for me, it's 11:11, and all that does is remind me that I'm slipping backwards and out of control. Which I tend to see as a problem. But hey, maybe it's just me. Maybe a downhill slope is all I need. Ah... Probably not. And it's not very pleasant. Either way, I'm under the impression that the only person who can do anything about it is me. Which is almost how it should be. Almost.



When I say almost, I mean that I'm just shy of a little community. Which brings me back to the thing we talked about in youth group a few years back. The four (or maybe three) kinds of love in the Greek language. So maybe that's what I need -- just a bit of comfort in my relational side, my social side. Too not feel so vulnerable or worried about all of the things that could go wrong with them. No. That's only healthy. The fact that I'm scared only makes me feel better about it.