What really struck me today is that the world is a really, really big place. I have no idea what ever gave me the idea that I should throw everything away and run after a dream--or that I could possibly create some sort of change. Yes, one person can make a difference, but there are 6.6 billion people who can't do jack shit. And that is a very daunting realization. Maybe some things just are unattainable. It doesn't exactly make you a failure at life if you can't become a world-famous actor or one of the Forbes 400. Let's face it, only 400 people make the Forbes 400. That doesn't exactly leave a huge margin for error.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm lowering my expectations. As if university wasn't itself a big enough indicator of that, already. Either way, I suppose the child in me has started to die in a way it never had before. I can't remember exactly when it was that I gave up on my dream of becoming an actor, or an author, or a magician, or a cowboy, but I can't see myself actively pursuing those things.
FAMILY KILLED MY AMBITIONS.
What a horrible thing to say.
Considering family might be the only thing I'll have left somewhere down the line. Family and the general sense that I either accomplished something or accomplished nothing. That being said, I'm fairly willing to go out on a limb and state, on record, that if I have kids (especially if I don't ruin them)--I'll definitely feel like I've accomplished something. That right there is something I can willingly resign myself to. The fact that I most certainly will hang my cap on my kids. It'll help to have an unbelievable support team and the world's greatest partner, of course.
Look at me, regressing into life planning again.
What really struck me just there is that forever is a really, really long time. I think more people toss that word around without understanding it than "love". I bet. Of course, it really helps "love's" chances when "forever" is almost always accompanied with a good ol' "I'll love you--".
Perhaps I put my money on the wrong sentiment.
OH, THE IRONY!
As a culture, I think we have less of an obsession with love than we have an obsession with words. Pretty words, fat words, precise words, relatively meaningless words, excessive words, dark words, effective words. But predominately we love words that we don't understand. But, dare I say it, I would boldly use at least three or four of those words in one sentence. But then again, I've always been a little bit unbalanced.
I would discourage any sort of imitation.
Please, SIGN THE WAIVERS.
I wish you could sign a waiver for your own life. But maybe responsibility for our actions is what allows us to exist in a society. I miss my familiar society. Life is so big. Forever is so long.
I'm scared.
I miss high school.
//Edit:
I just thought you may all be interested to know that I have a list of people who I will be keeping an eye on because I'm 100% positive that knowing them will be something I can tell my kids about.
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6 comments:
we're on the same wavelength.
We are frikin blessed that we have a chance to do what we choose with our lives, but yeah more given more is expected. I think that's one of the biggest dillemas knowing that you have suck opportunity, and knowing you could and/or are fucking (sry) it up. And know knowing you did nothing to deserve being in this position but being thankful, to your ancestors for somehow allowing you this opportunity, and the sacrifices that have been made in your history that you don't even know about.
try this one for size (use your family income if your a broke university student like I am)
:http://www.globalrichlist.com/
I am #54,087,588 richest in the world. and in the 1% richest in the world.
I miss the feeling of everyone around you feeling like family.
p.s. frikin miss you too man. unless that's not what you included, then that's kinda embarrassing.
do i get to be on the list? :D
i'll draw pictures for your kids...
by the way I think you may inspire people to blog or something b/c a day after yours was published there was like 5 other people who posted.
wow my friend.
I really find it odd how we're all so spread out but i'm pretty sure we're all having similar thoughts.
(i wanna know if i'm on the list; its better not knowing. but even if i'm not it'll be great when i suprise ya)
I've definitly got some plans.
i've been meaning to comment on this post for a couple of days now...
i really liked this post. i've been thinking a lot of the same thoughts lately. actually, i tried explaining it to someone the other day and they just didn't get it. but i'm sure if i would have said it just like this they might have gotten what i meant all that much more.
the only difference being... i don't miss highschool. at least, not yet.
i like that your posts are interactive.
oh, and i'll still support you if you do something creative. despite the whole girlfriend card. do me a favour though, and write a book or something. eventually.
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